Letting go & letting God.
Disclaimer: This is a space to encourage and uplift and is in no way a substitute for professional help. If you find yourself needing additional support, there are resources and licensed professionals available to help you. You deserve healing guidance and care.
You chose to let go.. but how do you keep choosing it every day after that?
When God asks us to let go, surrendering is hard. The hardest part, however, is remaining obedient when your heart continues to crave what once was.
I’ve found myself in these seasons a few times, where all of a sudden I had to walk away from the people in my life to start a new journey. Now I know, it wasn’t all of a sudden, it was a gradual process that happens when it’s time to elevate. If you’re elevating and trying to stay strong after letting go, this is for you!
First, let’s talk about the many reasons why we may find ourselves in this position.
We have outgrown our surroundings or certain people in our lives.
When we grow physically, we get new clothes to match our new size, we can’t keep wearing clothes that don’t fit anymore. When we grow spiritually, we have to make adjustments too. We have developed to a point where we can’t coexist with certain things, environments, or people anymore. Think of a phone upgrade that doesn’t pair with outdated versions of software or apps - they must be updated too in order to work together.
Some things and people are only meant to be in our lives for a season. We are put in situations to develop spiritually. We're meant to experience, learn the lesson, and peacefully walk away. This may be the hardest one to accept, it technically still “fits,” but something (The Holy Spirit) is letting you know it’s time to let go.
God isolates us to remove any distractions and to draw us closer to Him and ourselves. This serves as a reminder that we must only depend on God and teaches us to be happy within our own company. This is also so that when we find our people, we’ll show up with love, not co-dependence.
Now, we know why we may have had to walk away, but what now? What’s next?
When the wound is still fresh it can be pretty hard to see the bigger picture. This is your friendly reminder that it’s okay to feel all the emotions attached to letting go. It can be very hard to surrender everything to God, to agree to his will even when you don’t know what that is. But the hardest part in my experience was continuing to surrender every day after that. We know that God has a plan, this is for certain, but it’s difficult to stay strong when you can feel the pain but not see or even understand the plan.
This season requires patience. Patience to see what God will do next, and patience to find out why it happened in the first place. Most importantly, patience while we heal. While waiting, I reflected on what I had just let go A LOT. Sometimes in a healthy way, sometimes in a not so healthy way. With the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I asked myself these questions for perspective:
But first and most important of all, take the time to feel your emotions and heal. We’re all different so this stage may look different for all of us. Some may take longer than others but don’t skip or fast forward this step. Any holes left unpatched will eventually leak.
How did you show up in these relationships, environments, or situations? Did you like the way you acted or felt? If not, ask yourself why that is? What caused you to feel or show up this way?
Similarly, what qualities did you enjoy in the other party? Did you like the way you were treated? Did you appreciate how they showed up for you? Why or why not?
The previous two questions are meant to help us skim through things and figure out what we would like to bring with us or look for in others moving forward.
What are the qualities you’re bringing into your next relationships? Qualities within yourself and what you will look for in others.
What areas do you need to grow in? Think about any areas where growth is needed. How can YOU show up better moving forward, for others, and most importantly, for yourself! Remember we are a representation of Christ, can people tell? If not, how can we fix that?
Lastly, what did you learn from this experience? What was the lesson? There's always a reason God allows something to happen.
For example, one experience taught me to never compromise my self-respect. Some friend groups taught me to stand strong in who I am and my beliefs, even when everyone else is doing the opposite. Some are simply to shine light on parts of us that need healing.
But I must remind you, they’re not all tough lessons! Some are meant to teach us how to love and be loved. Some connections show us qualities we didn’t know we needed or desired. And although they weren’t meant to stay, they left us better than they found us and vice versa.
So the question is, how do we keep choosing to let go?
The way I look at it is, if my hands are full holding onto something that isn’t meant for me, how could I possibly grab hold of what is? Remind yourself that God already prepared something better for you, don’t stand in his way. Also, choose yourself. You deserve the best and if you had to let it go, it obviously wasn’t what’s best for you.
The pain you feel now is temporary, and by moving backwards you’ll only prolong it. I learned the hard way that if I didn’t let go completely, God would apply more pressure to the removal. Because one way or the other it HAD to go. I found myself in many situations where God allowed a connection to get so bad that continuing to hold on became unbearable. I thank God for that! I share this in hopes that YOU won’t have to learn the hard way and to motivate you to stay strong in your decision. What’s ahead of you will always be better than what you left behind, trust me, God is thoughtful like that!
Some advice I can give you:
Be patient with yourself, it’s okay to feel sad and to miss what you once had. Give yourself grace, you’re still healing, and there's no perfect way to do this. Feel your feelings but don’t sit in them too long. You are more than your emotions and feelings fade. Have discipline despite what your heart may be temporarily telling you.
Remain open, don’t close yourself off in the attempt to protect yourself from getting hurt. You may miss out on potential blessings by creating walls around yourself. I know it may be hard; it was for me. Even when I matured in knowing that at any point I may have to let go of a connection, I still found myself growing attached to the idea that “maybe this will be the one to stay”. And when it wasn’t, it left me feeling disappointed and discouraged. So now I enter knowing that if it stays, I’m grateful. If it goes, I’m grateful. If I get hurt along the way, I’ll heal. Either way, I always gain something from the experience.
Most importantly, lean into Jesus. You were never meant to carry the weight by yourself. Ask Jesus to help you, guide you, heal you, even just sit with you, and trust me, He will! God isn’t scared of your hurt, anger, or frustration. Wherever we are, he meets us with his perfect and unfailing love. (Psalms 139:8) (Matthew 11:28)
Pray. Prayer is necessary in every season of our lives. We don’t have to be perfect at it, you don’t have to be a prayer warrior, you just have to open your heart to God.
(Psalms 34:17-20)
Yes, letting go is hard, but it’s harder to hold onto something that isn’t meant for you. You may not notice it at first, but the weight of carrying something that doesn’t belong to you will eventually take its toll. Healing is difficult, but it is doable. Remaining open to new experiences is scary, but it welcomes in love, blessings, and new connections. After the pain has cleared, we’ll be reminded that God was in control the whole time, and we were never truly alone.
I learned to be grateful for the whole experience, pain included. I may not like it, but I understand it’s a necessary process for me to become everything God created me to be. I will continue to learn along the way, and I’ll nurture the relationships I've been allowed to keep.
One day we’ll find the people that are meant to stay for a lifetime. I pray we all remain open and full of love. I will continue to show up with love and gratitude, receiving freely and giving freely. I pray you will too.
~ What helps you stay grounded when you’re feeling unstable?
If you’d like me to make a post specifically about shedding old habits, let me know! I know from experience that permanently letting go of habits that are embedded in our routines can be one of the hardest challenges. You can also click here to submit any other messages or blog post ideas!
